Bad Habits

So I have a good memory for random information, and also for bad things that happen to me. In fact, I still remember in high school when my dad didn't let me go see Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in theaters. When I mention it to him, he gets angry that I still remember that.

I guess when somebody wrongs me in some way, its easy for me to say I forgive them, but I don't believe I would forget about those things readily. I guess for the most part, I thought it was alright to behave this way, that forgetting was different from forgiving. Then I read this article:

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002188.cfm

The topic is a little different, but I feel I have the same general struggle as the writer. And he mentioned an interesting idea, that when we sin against someone, in reality it is simply that person's sin against God. It's prideful of me to think that someone's sin against me is worse than the sin towards God. Even though I might feel wronged, the sin itself is much worse towards God than anything someone could do to me. And it's not like I haven't committed the same sins, it's hypocritical of me to forget my own sins while judging someone else.

He also writes in part II about how he replays images in his head, and that's what hurts him the most. I was like, yea, I do that too. So I mean, this dude is strikingly similar to me, except he's married and writes a lot better.

I think for a while I was okay with not forgetting, with just forgiving and working through the other parts as time passed. But now I think I need to do both, in fact it was a pretty obvious command.

I like when things connect together. I've been doing memory verses and I memorized Hebrews 12:1-2 recently:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with great perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us FOCUS OUR EYES ON JESUS CHRIST, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.'

So I haven't memorized it perfectly, but you get the idea. That first part of verse II has really stuck with me this week, focusing on Jesus in all I do. Jesus who forgave our sins, and who also forgot our transgressions against him. (Isaiah 43:25)

It's interesting that this verse came from Isaiah, because I realized today that Isaiah is the book I should qt with now.

Anyways, I should do what Jesus does. I'm not really forgiving if I can't forget. The bitterness won't go away unless I let it go. I'm sorry for thinking I could do one without the other, for not sincerely forgiving.

So no more second guessing, no more distrust. I will forgive and forget. I will trust fully and not doubt. And...I won't fail to do this, because Christ did it, and so through His power I am able.

"Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.

-Isaiah 1:18