You make beautiful things

All this pain, I wonder if I'll find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change at all.

Today I was started listening to Beautiful Things by Gungor because Tammy had it as her cellphone ringtone and being the popular girl she is she kept getting calls. The first part of this verse caught my ears, since it seemed to apply to what I was experiencing.

Not that I'm turning emo, but the things going on in my last post are still going on and therefore I'm more contemplative than stupidly happy. I finally picked up Pursuit of God today, after a long break from reading that book I started again from the beginning and found that the feelings I had previous arose again. All this pain, all the struggles and beatings life throws at us and continues to do so, how do we get out of it. I still struggle with this idea of how in every day life and work we can focus everything on God again and again and through the long hours lean to Him and grow and love and cherish the blessings He's given us when in front of us is a huge pile of work that just keeps growing.

As I think to the future, I don't really expect much to change in terms of work life. If I won the lottery and just lived with that it would be nice, but as a wise friend said to me once: "being rich simply makes others covet." I don't think I would want a job that would be easy and simple living for just myself. After observing those older and further along in their walk in the church body I noticed an interesting detail. The husband serves the wife in the work he takes on. He takes the path that allows the wife a higher degree of freedom in her life choices, whether to stay at home or go out and work. In some ways, this is reflective of the love Christ shows us as the head of the church. We are to serve Him but in reality He serves us and grants us daily the needs that sustain us every day. Therefore the husband, being head of the household, should give to the wife all that is possible and serve her in the ways of Christ. I want to do whatever will make my own family better, to allow my wife to choose whatever she feels called to, for my kids to grow in an unbroken home where they can learn the blessings of God and not always the hardship that defines so many of our lives.

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

Now we know from Bible spoilers that what is lost has been found. We know that God took what was dirty and wretched and make it beautiful. Out of the darkness He pulled us into the light and clothed us in His holiness. "Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless til they find rest in thee." -Augustine. I think this helps in explaining why we as people find it so hard to do any one thing for too long a period of time. There is nothing on earth that could satisfy our hearts.

"The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found among us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations, and a world of nervous activity which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart."

Only Christ can satisfy our attention and our hearts. And while it may seem like one activity that might grow old after awhile, the beauty and secret of it is that there is such an infinite depth to His character and love that we can never run out of things to explore while spending time with Him.

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

So we come to this realization that without God everything is incomplete. That we need Him not only in our lives but to be everything to us. We need to give up everything that we cling to that is not Him. To throw our lives away and empty what is the 'self' to be filled by that which demands our everything. To possess nothing of this world but in return to gain that which is untouchable, unbelievable, and unbelievably beautiful.

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it - Matthew 16:25

For me this means to not cling to the future I imagine in my head. To not get ahead of God and begin giving myself things which I feel would give me satisfaction. To live in every moment looking to God and like a recently found child to adore and worship the one who rescued me from the world. It doesn't make sense to write a future for ourselves, when God is undoubtedly the best author out there. To give up our lives isn't something we should think of as bad, because what we get in return is so much greater than our imaginations would've made up.

"Abraham possessed nothing and yet was blessed with everything" -Tozer

Tozer brings up Abraham as a monumental example of someone who trusted in God with all his being and in his life allowed God to take control and make his paths level. However, being a human being Abraham was not perfect and we see in Genesis his continued struggle with his lack of progeny and God's demand of his patience. Tozer tells the story of how Isaac came to being as the one who would fulfill all of God's promises and how Abraham grew instantly to love and adore him. Tozer talks about how Abraham's love for Isaac bordered on dangerous and that his eyes had turned away from God. So finally God had to tear Abraham away from that and demand Isaac be sacrificed. We know that Abraham give up his only son in order to obey God, and in his own way still trusted in God to provide in his promises. Though God was seemingly taking away the thing that He has promised Abraham, Abraham still trusted in God's love and knew that the promise would be fulfilled. He obeyed God to the end despite what seemed like the opposite of 'blessings and riches' and yet what he learned from that could not have been placed in his heart any other way. God knew what would uplift and edify Abraham the most, and He knows our daily needs as well as the drastic milestones that mark our stumbling walk after Him.

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

Out of all the hate and darkness so prevalent in this world, God has made the mustard seed blossom. He's created beauty in this world, and He's made us pure and shining white as well. The righteousness, generosity, and kindness we share with each other each and every day define our reactions to that love. When you face the daily grind of school/work and of life itself, look to Him and find your peace. He makes beautiful things in this world, and died so that we could be counted amongst them. Without Him, we are merely dust that returns to the earth. Look to Him not just as an example of how we should be, but first and foremost as the one who made all this possible: Jesus Christ the Saving One.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us - Gungor, Beautiful Things

The Making of Joy!

So I've taken a long sabbatical from writing and doing the healthy things in my life to go get a job and be a working man. Sadly that hasn't panned out so I'm back now and hopefully I will make sure to get some thoughts down at least once in awhile....

What a month it has been! After working for a little over a month now I have realized school is just much better. The transition has definitely taken its toll on me and I feel a wellspring of unreconciled feelings building up. I want to give up all these things to God and live in His presence. Not in worry of the past or of the future. Of what job I will have or the mistakes I have made. Not to be jealous of others but rather to see God's will in each of our lives.

The makings of this transition are quite similar to what happened when I began college, so everything kind of goes in a circle. History repeats itself. I just got out of a relationship, just as I did four years ago. The adjustment requires changes to lifestyle and a greater workload, which adds to the stress and buildup. And most of all I am left with the feeling once again I should have taken the time I had to seek after God instead of chasing things I thought would make me happy. The same realization as before happened again: God makes us joyful.

The simple truth of it all makes it easy to say, yet so very hard to follow at times. I'm reminded of a little kid walking with his dad at the beach. The dad promises the kid infinite candy (or whatever you liked as a kid) when they get back home, but they have to walk to the car first. On the way, the little kid forgets the promise and goes around looking for shells and playing with the sand. Here and there the dad urges the kid on and yet still patiently waits for him to be done playing. Sounds like me.

Here we come to the idea of discipline. Pastor Brian gave a sermon on it a couple of weeks ago. It was alongside prayer. He said prayer should encompass all the emotions and love that we feel, but that having these feelings during prayer is not just a spontaneous and random occurrence. These things happen when day after day we come seeking God. When we find ourselves so sinful and so in need of His company and presence. Prayer should burst out of us, we pray not because we owe Him something but because we cannot live without Him. We need it, we crave it, we seek it day in and day out. But for some reason, we don't do it. We just sit twiddling our thumbs waiting for the next splash of joy and forgo the everlasting Joy set before us.

What is this joy that God gives us. We should at least know what we're looking forward to right? I'm reminded of a verse from Hebrews.

²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

Brian preached on this last week. He talked about how Jesus, for the feast and celebration that awaited Him, endured all the things of this world. Not that we may see it as an example of what we should do, but rather to focus our eyes back on God and know that through Him all these things in our lives are possible!

I've failed to find joy in my work because it hasn't been centered on God. I haven't found it elsewhere because like the little kid, my mind isn't on the greater thing. Work is definitely something I am still getting used to. It's something I appreciate less than I should. It's a privilege and a blessing from God, not the grind that depresses me. Our joy day in and day out come from Christ. It comes from spending time with Him, from praying and hearing His words, from our friends and family that supports us. Whether we are alone or in a crowd, God is always there with His grace, protection, and blessings.

Joy isn't made or found in life outside of God. Being joyful is a response to God's blessings in our lives, and His love in the past present and future. Even when things feel at a loss, having the right focus can give our hearts peace. Thinking back, and thinking presently, I know that I have absolutely nothing to complain about. The more I steer my mind to God in everything I do; in my burdens as well as my happiness I know that despite all my depravity He chooses to embrace me each and every time...and that is Joy.